Validating hurt feelings in a relationship
But this kind of thing is to be expected when you write about emotionally charged topics, especially since we often search for self-help articles when we’re looking for answers—we’re looking to forget the answer we already know: that pain is unavoidable, and sometimes we simply need to go through it.
With this in mind, I responded privately to my reader, “I get the impression you’re really hurting right now. ” Right then I thought about all the times I lashed out at people when I was suffering in the past.
But since a lot of dads don’t know this, they get frustrated when their wife wants a break or is resistant to parenting their child.
The fact is, there are some very good reasons why it’s often harder to stepparent than it is to parent.
But this can often backfire as there are many challenges a stepparent faces that usually don’t exist for the parent; challenges that make it exhausting, and sometimes impossible, to “parent” another’s child, especially early on in the relationship.
These are not things I am proud to admit, and they’re not things I’d recommend or condone.Most of us have felt pain burning like a hot coal in our hands and felt desperate to unload it, somehow, somewhere.Nature developed our emotions over millions of years of evolution.It’s simply because this is the nature of stepfamily dynamics and sometimes it’s just impossible for her to be what you expect. The development of the stepparent/stepchild relationship doesn’t happen overnight, so If you want to preserve the space for that relationship to happen, honor the process by letting it evolve naturally, at a pace everyone is comfortable with.